Day 6: Become Pro at Being a Beginner
Starting a new activity or learning a new skill can be daunting. As they say, you don't know what you don't know, and it's the fear of this unknown that hold many of us back. Why try, when humiliation, discomfort and vulnerability are on the line? I have a good thing going, people think I'm great, why would I possibly risk changing that? Here's why: Because life is about growth and the potential to be better - and it never happens in our comfort zones. It's nice to know, the only way for a beginner to go, is up.
I've been guilty of not asking a question, thinking others will think it silly. Asking it would demonstrate that I'm not competent or knowledgable enough, right? Maybe. But maybe, others are also afraid to ask or would benefit from the answer too. You'll either benefit from now knowing the answer, or people think it is silly, but so what?
As we get older, we risk our worlds becoming smaller. We can choose to be creatures of habits and kings and queens of our domains. We feel safe in the areas we know and understand.
While this comfort can be cosy and give a (false) sense of accomplishment, there is nothing as exhilarating and humbling as seeing progress and growth.
So when is the last time you tried to learn something completely new? Read a new book or tried a new activity? Is it time to overcome your personal hurdles and dive into your chosen unknown?
These are the 3 simple (but effective) pieces of advice I'd give anyone hesitant about trying something new. This will help you to become a professional, or at least a competent beginner:
Advice #1: Challenge the Negative Thoughts
We all have our default thought patterns that largely determine our perspective and lens of the world. Unfortunately for many of us, it can be a discouraging voice.
My teammate didn't acknowledge me - they must not like me. Challenge the thought: Perhaps they didn't see you, or they're thinking about the impending deadline that their career rides on.
I didn't get selected for that project? It's because I'm not good enough at my craft. Challenge the thought: Maybe the Leadership team allocated projects based on existing bandwidth and I'm pretty swamped with my current work anyway.
My friends are catching up over drinks at a bar and I wasn't invited. Challenge the thought: It's not a reflection on me, people can hang out and catch up without others.
A few prompts to help challenge the negative thought patterns:
Am I confusing a thought with a fact?
Am I jumping to a conclusion?
Am I assuming my thought is the only possible perspective?
Advice #2: Adopt a Growth Mindset
Growth mindset describes a way of operating where we believe our intelligence and talents can be influenced by our efforts and behaviours. We are capable of growth and learning, even if and especially when we face set-backs. This is contrasted to a fixed mindset, where we want to appear smart and talented. It can lead us to avoid challenges by sticking to what we know.
The term was popularised by Carol Dweck, an American Psychologist and Professor from the book 'Mindset'. In the book, Carol outlines characteristics of a growth mindset that can determine how we respond to challenges and set backs. These include: being open to being wrong and learning from our mistakes, and believing that ability can be developed by trying.
We have an unproductive bias towards instant outcomes, and social media shows us the best of the best across of the world. What it doesn't show us is the hours of effort, practice and cultivation it took for someone to develop a skill or knowledge. By placing more emphasis on the effort and process, we are able to adopt a growth mindset, where failures and being new are simply a stepping stone to being better.
Some prompts to encourage a growth mindset:
What can I learn from this?
How can I challenge myself today?
How else could I approach this?
Advice #3: Foster Resilience
Building upon a growth mindset, resilience describes our ability to 'bounce back' from obstacles and challenges. Some of us are better at letting go and dealing with ambiguity. However like a growth mindset, resilience too can be developed through practice and mindfulness techniques which help to ground us and manage internal dialogue.
A key part of developing resilience is recognising that what we perceive as success and failure are emotional experiences that we can monitor and detach ourselves from. That is, we can unidentify ourselves to these outcomes by taking it as an opportunity to understand how useful perceived failure can be.
Fostering resilience can give us a new stamina and fearlessness to ask questions and focus on the learning, rather than how others perceive us.
Some tips to help grow resilience:
Remember the situations you’ve already overcome in your life
Meditate on what success and failure feels like in the body, without attachment or judgement of the sensations. Emotions are just physiological experiences
Allow yourself to remain hopeful, and reach out to a friend if you need help/ perspective
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Trying your hand at something new and learning a new skill is no mean feat. It takes courage and determination, and yes - it is super uncomfortable for those of us (especially if you are self conscious).
The reality is, we all have the ability to grow and adapt but we just need to know how to approach it. And if you find yourself completely lost and unsure, find comfort in the fact that ignorance is bliss, and that you will only get better from here.
So ask the question, and do the thing!
