You May Think These Remarks Are Harmless To Females—But I Do Not

I enjoy being a regular at my local coffee joint. The friendly banter and welcome greeting at my cafe always perks me up and brightens any dull or mundane day. I have so much respect and admiration for the hard working staff who embody great hospitality and also genuinely care for the people. They remember things I tell them and follow up.

The other morning one of my favourite barista's said something that made me speak up in a moment that became an educational opportunity.

He said "my daughter is so bossy". Harmless right? Unfortunately, I don't think it is. I probed to find out what he meant, which led to him recounting how at family gatherings, she speaks up and stands her ground with her male cousins. She was demanding at home and told her parents what she wanted. At school she was the loudest amongst her friends, singling her out to be the leader. Of course as a parent (hopefully) most people would want to instill good manners and consideration in their children. However that being a given, I don't see anything wrong with any of these confident behavioural traits, and don't agree that females should be given labels, often discrediting skills which are often valued and encouraged in males.

So I said something.

Of course my favourite barista loves his daughter and had no ill intent in calling his daughter bossy. But I asked him if she were in fact his younger son, would he use that same label. We had a good conversation about calling his daughter bossy, and how important it was to foster leadership and empowerment in young girls especially. The world has a way to stamp out the confidence and ownership unless we all chip away at the statements and remarks that are widely circulated as insults.

"Stop being a princess".

"She is way too confident".

"That's a woman's job".

Women and females are different biologically and countless studies show that we may excel at specific tasks in relation to men. But in this day and age, our attitude and confidence should not be labeled as 'bossy' or 'precious' or 'loud', when males would get away with the same behaviours without question.

Through the conversation, my favourite barista heard my point of view and considered his use of the word bossy to describe his daughter. What an amazing reflection as he had never considered his biased use of the word for females. Hopefully, he will be more conscious of the double standards that we as a society place upon young girls and women, belittling them for being strong and independent. His daughter is lucky to have a considerate and open father who loves and supports her for her strong personality.

Equity and the ability to be successful as you are, whoever you are, is a win for everyone. We need to conscientiously continue to educate ourselves and be more open to others, regardless of gender, race or otherwise.