A Question I’ve Been Asking Myself Lately: Authentic vs Conventional Life (And Why)
Recently, I’ve spent a lot of my time thinking about my life choices. From my earliest memories as a conscientious (and rambunctious) child, to deciding to knuckle down and study hard and get admitted into a recognised university, eventually commencing multiple internships and then eventually climbing up the corporate ladder. What were the driving forces that led me down this path, and why had I defined success in such a narrow way?
Upon reflection, I realised that the essence of all those questions and reflections boiled down to one bigger one.
What is a conventional life?
I grew up seeing success defined strictly as going to university and landing a good paying and stable job. A senior title, nice house, shiny car and good reputation. Eventually having a family and growing your wealth. In conjunction to all of that, it was about paying your taxes and being an upstanding, rule-following citizen. Of course, this is all noble and good for society, and what I am highlighting is simply that there are other paths in life that are just as valid and successful.
This narrow definition of success is perpetuated by how large companies hire, how we treat other people and the biases that media networks play on. If not directly, it was definitely indirectly demonstrated to me that this path was the only true reflection of “success”. The fruits of ones labour were more highly idealised than the intention and impact of it - let alone the personal toll of the labor on ones soul. I for one, no longer prescribe to one way of thinking about success.
In many ways, it’s a defining trait of millennials to challenge the status quo. We have been exposed to technology and the fast changing world brought about by the internet. Technology has allowed us to communicate faster, learn from globally accessible libraries and (whether good or bad) due to the fast evolving landscape, has us expecting more from the world.
Through the last decade, there has been so much change brought about by perspective shifting events (laws, wars, politics, prominence of social media). Social stigmas have been challenged and authors, filmmakers and storytellers have been able to share their perspectives and beliefs to a wider audience, adding to the modern zeitgeist. We are so much more connected and aware of our differences and different ways of living.
Yet we continue to consume more than we create. Why are we still defining a conventional life, and as a bi-product success as a linear progression of career, more money and more things? Why is the pie of life so often described as a zero-sum picture? We’re all so fearful that the only way to be successful, is to follow what other people have done, and have what they have. With everyones highlight reels now on full display, the conventional life has become amplified and glamorised. It is to have the most. The most followers, the best paying job. The glitzy wedding and picturesque family. It’s whats been taught and sold to us.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this because, I can’t help but remember how unhappy and unhealthy I was as a well paid employee. I know it was the path for me, yet I worry that I am somehow falling behind by not following conventional choices in life. I think about how much happier I am now, with creative work and meaningful connections from slowly growing, organic communities.
Should we all be trying to live a more authentic life vs a conventional one?
For me, talking to other people, reading widely and celebrating the impact of people who are striving differently has made me realise that there is no ‘conventional life’. At the end of the day, I believe that happiness and contribution are the underlying factors of a life well-lived. We can foster this idea by choosing to see success in people doing things simply to help others, in kindness shown to people who are severely disadvantaged by the cards they were dealt and in the act of following your own ikigai, rather than the money and prestige. The small acts of sharing something that may even marginally improve someones life or reduce their personal stresses is an act worth of applause.
Our society continues to reinforce the status quo which defines success as living a ‘conventional life’, flaunted by outwardly embellishment. This no longer stands as we embrace different ways of living and as technology makes it easier to replace our skill sets. When that happens, how we choose to live and the choices we make are the important things that set us apart. Being more aware of mental health than ever before and in an age of unprecedented access to knowledge means we can and should debunk the concept of one type of life being the only good one.
At this point of my journey, I am trying to embrace the pursuit of living an authentic life, as opposed to a conventional one. There is only your life - the one you choose.
