To A New Hope
Only a few weeks ago, I received news that shifted my reality. I found out that I am pregnant and expecting! Given my recent surgery and the recovery process, this was not planned or anticipated, but I can’t think of any better news. Events and situations I would never had imagined for myself are suddenly feeling tangible and real. I’m adjusting to a whole set of changes in my body and mind, and embracing every bit of it.
Since discovering I was pregnant, I've found an unexpected calmness as I deal with the daily gripes of life and anxiety. Lack of a stable income and lots of freelance trials used to keep me up at night. Now, they’re put into perspective and almost enjoyable. Sure, occasionally the impending responsibilities of parenthood spike my heart rate, but the newfound clarity about what truly matters and gratitude at this opportunity dissolves any of the tension.
My body is adjusting in ways I’ve never experienced before. While “morning” sickness and fatigue have made it challenging to maintain any usual routine, I remind myself that these are signs of a healthy pregnancy with all the pregnancy hormones. It's all part of the journey. I’ve taken this as an opportunity to slow down, listen to my body, and appreciate the subtle transformations that come with creating a little human.
It was only two weeks ago, I lost my beloved maternal grandma. The warm, lovely presence who permeated my childhood memories with tasty morsels of food and cozy, enveloping hugs. During this time, the presence of bub was a godsent and I honestly felt safe knowing my grandmother would be overseeing us. Also knowing that bub will likely be born at the hospital where we lost my grandma - what a beautiful circle of loss and joy.
As for the future, of course there’s a lot to be afraid of, if I allow myself —how I will make a living, where I'll live, what kind of parent I'll be—but if the last 3 years have taught me anything, it’s that I’ve learned to trust the process. Things have a way of working themselves out when you have a positive mindset and a willingness to adapt. Things you think will be the end of the world (leaving your corporate job, projects falling through, failures) are all stepping stones. It’s not always easy to lean into the unknown, but the trust in each step encourages me to let go and let things unfold as they do.
Beyond the physical changes, I'm especially working on preparing mentally for the upcoming months and years ahead. It's daunting to think about all the new skills and responsibilities that every new parent deals with. But more than anything, I'm looking forward to fostering the curious mind of a little boy who will be loved unconditionally and be so worth all the effort.
I'm grateful for the friends and cousins that check in, my family who keeps me well fed, and my husband who hasn’t missed an antenatal appointment. They've been there to listen to my worries, share their experiences, and offer advice. Their encouragement is a reminder that I'm not alone in this.
I’m seeing this pregnancy as a blessing in disguise. It's a new beginning that’s bringing hope and optimism into my life. While the next few months may be filled with bumps and surprises, I'm walking into it with no expectations and an open mind. After all, life is all about embracing change and welcoming new adventures, and I can’t think of a greater adventure than this.
