Moving Back

When I was 18, I moved out of my parent’s home. Over the last decade (14 years to be exact), I lived with house-mates in multiple appartments, moved to a solo flat, flew over to a solo condo in Singapore before coming back to Sydney to settle in Pyrmont for a few years. Last month my husband and I decided to move back in with my parents.

If you would have asked my 20-year-old-self whether I would ever let this happen, you’d hear a resounding and defiant “Hell No”. Listen, I love my parents and always made time for family dinners throughout my time away, but living under the same roof again? With the thought of moving back into a house with rules and preconceptions about what I could freely do? No, Thanks.

So what changed? I guess everything and nothing. It’s amazing how if you let it, your relationship with your parents evolves and the power imbalance, well balances. We communicate better and actually cherish the time we have together, as opposed to feeling suppressed by parental supervision.

My parents welcome us in to their home selflessly which allows us to save on rent, bills and groceries. In this time of major transition, I couldn’t be more grateful and happy that they would have us.

Friends ask me, how I’m “coping” with moving back in with my parents. They say they could never.

Now, I totally resonate. But truthfully, when I hear people sharing that sentiment, I feel sad that they are not opening themselves up to an evolution in the relationship with their parents. Since I’ve moved in, I’ve been able to sit and have breakfasts with my mom, home cooked dinner with my dad, been close to my family while we lost our beloved grandma. Now we’re currently together as we watch my grandfather’s health deteriorate. None of these opportunities existed when I lived away from home. I’d come visit once a month if life would allow, and would not know about the happenings with extended family, much less be able to check in with my parents.

I think now, about how many little moments I missed my parents being human and going through their own life struggles. How many tech issues I could have easily helped with, had I been around. How many moments we missed not having this exposure to each other.

Things don’t change overnight. It took me a while to mellow out from expressing frustrations at the way my parents did things or reacting at their opinions. The difference, now, I guess is I’m much more conscious that my parents are ageing and time with them is limited and precious. They may have different opinions and ways of doing things, but their intentions have always been pure. It’s always been love and selflessness.

I’d pick this path again, if it means I can continue to connect with my parents.

Everyone chooses their own path, and it’s important that it’s right for you. At this juncture, as we transition through the addition of a new family member, and save through a tough economy, this is right for us.

We’re just grateful we have parents who have enough space, and welcome us back with open arms.