Reflecting On Evolving Friendships
It’s a sad realisation to have when you recognise that a friendship has run its course. It’s not that is ended with a blowout argument or dramatic parting of ways. Instead, it feels like it’s fizzles quietly, like a flame running out of oxygen.
Lately, I’ve noticed the way I feel after interacting with old friends. I often feel unhappy, unsatisfied and frustrated by the interactions. I tell myself that I’ll try to pull back from the friendships, only to find myself reeling again after a “long overdue catch up”. The conversations feel stale, orbiting the same safe, surface-level topics: TV shows, travel plans, the latest work updates. On the surface, it’s fine. Easy, even. But deep down, I’m yearning for more—more connection, more vulnerability, more meaning.
At first, I thought maybe it was me. Maybe I wasn’t trying hard enough to spark deeper conversations. Maybe I was being too critical or expecting too much. But the truth is, friendships evolve, just like we do. And sometimes, we outgrow them.
The Trade-off
Old friendships and light hearted conversations have their place. They’re easy, uncomplicated, and often a welcome reprieve from the weight of the world. But when a friendship revolves solely around these exchanges, it starts to feel empty—like we’re just skating on the surface of who we are.
There are moments when I crave depth: conversations about dreams and fears, about the state of the world and how we navigate it. I want to know what makes my friends come alive, what keeps them up at night, and how they’re really doing—not just how work is going or which café they tried last weekend.
When those conversations never happen, it can feel like I’m playing a role rather than showing up as my authentic self. It’s exhausting.
Making Space for Authentic Connection
As I’ve started to release some of these expired friendships, I’ve found something unexpected: space. Space for new connections, for relationships that feel expansive and nourishing. Space to invest in the friendships that already have depth but need time and care to flourish.
I’ve also learned that it’s okay to redefine relationships. Not every friendship has to be deeply profound. Some can remain light and casual, filling a different kind of need. The key is balance: making room for both, without sacrificing authenticity.
Closing Thoughts
Friendships, like us as people, are ever-changing. They grow, they shift, and sometimes, they fade. Recognising when a friendship has expired isn’t about blame or failure—it’s about honouring where you are and where the friendship fits.
And for the friendships that remain, I’m trying to not be afraid to dig deeper, to ask the hard questions, to show up as my full self. Life is too short for small talk to be the foundation of every relationship.
