Fake It Til You Make It
Confidence has long been treated as a distinctive trait, one you either have or you don’t. It’s the elusive X-factor that seems to make life easier for those who possess it and give those who exhibit it an advantage. But confidence isn’t something that we’re either born with or not. Instead of waiting for it to appear, this is a reminder, that to an extent, we can simply act our way into it.
That’s the premise behind the well-known phrase, “fake it till you make it.” On the surface, it might sound like a flimsy life hack or a recipe for impostor syndrome. But the truth is, there’s real psychology behind the idea—and it could change the way we approach many situations in our lives.
The Myth of “Natural” Confidence
The world often glorifies people who appear effortlessly confident. From the charismatic leader at work to the friend who seems at ease in every social situation, it’s easy to assume that some people are just wired differently. But dig deeper, and you’ll often find that their confidence isn’t as innate as it seems.
Confidence, at its core, is a byproduct of experience and repetition. The people who seem most at ease in a given situation have often been there before—sometimes dozens of times. They’ve learned how to navigate the discomfort, and in doing so, they’ve built the very confidence that others admire.
How Faking It Works
When you “fake” confidence, you’re not pretending to be something you’re not; you’re simply adopting the behaviors of someone who feels self-assured. This might mean standing up straighter, making eye contact, or speaking with a firmer tone of voice. These actions send signals not just to the people around you, but to your own brain.
Psychologists call this the “self-perception theory.” The basic idea is that our actions can influence our emotions. If you act confident, your brain starts to believe you are confident. It’s not a magic trick—it’s neuroscience.
Building a Stronger Mindset
“Faking it” isn’t a one-time solution—it’s a practice. The more you do it, the more natural it feels. Over time, the gap between “acting” confident and actually feeling confident starts to close.
And perhaps the best part? You don’t have to wait for permission or a perfect moment to start. You just have to decide to show up.
The next time you find yourself facing an intimidating situation, try stepping into the role of the person you wish you could be, even if it feels awkward or unnatural. I’ve learned that confidence doesn’t just appear—it’s built. And sometimes, it starts with the simple decision to show up, to try, and to trust that pretending today might lead to believing tomorrow. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about giving yourself permission to grow into the version of yourself you’re striving to become.
