Love is action
I spent the majority of Covid alone in Singapore. During the first wave of lock downs in March 2020, I was relegated to my 27th floor studio apartment, with barely 3 square meters of living room, crammed next to my little kitchenette and a (thankfully) elevated loft area where my bed lay. The only reason to leave my little box, was to buy necessary supplies, or pick up the occasional lunch from the hawker centre down the road. Braving the 120% humidity that made your hair curl, slapping mask-on-face, if I needed anything, I was required to get it and lug it back - or I missed out. Self-reliance isn’t as cool, when there is no choice to lean on friends or family. Granted, I had many wonderful friends and people I had connected with in my time living in Singapore - but in the midst of a pandemic, everyone is just doing their best to live their own lives, and take care of their own families. For an outsider with a few years living there, with barely 2 continuous months staying put, I very much felt alone and isolated during this great time of uncertainty and fear. Being grounded in Singapore (different to grounding myself), I began to peel beyond the curtains of my pre-Covid lifestyle. The constant travel and work focus. Like for so many people, Covid allowed work to revolve around my life, and not my life to revolve around my work. I began to question my choices and my priorities. What was I doing to take care of and connect with people that I loved the most? How was I helping them from 3000kms away? What would I do if anything happened to someone…
Coming back home, closer to my loving family and partner, I really feel the gravity of the connections I missed out on during that period. I’ve been in government mandated isolation 5 times from traveling between countries, and the fresh care packages delivered to me by family/friends on a daily basis made all the difference in contrast to the lockdowns alone. The unconditional care and love that my family/friends have shown me through the lock downs in Australia, warm my heart and make me realise that these gestures are love in action. The effort it takes someone to write a letter, tell you something they appreciate about you or go out of their way to make time for you in their life is so precious and not to be taken for granted. While I get caught up in my own busyness (often self imposed) and mental chatter, I remember that I need to more often show my love through actions. It’s not enough to feel grateful.
Ironically, there are no other people that make me feel as equally frustrated and loved as my own family. The roller coaster of emotions that I feel when interacting with my parents is mind boggling and I resort back to being a 15 year old girl talking back (sorry mom). While age doesn’t seem to be dissipating my short fuse with them as with other parts of my life, it gives me so much more awareness and appreciation for their actions and understanding about where they are coming from. They just want me to be happy. I realise that no one will love or care for you as much as our own parents, and that time is finite. I cherish the roller coaster rides, and occasionally find I am able to pause before reacting. Win!
Having been so far away, without the smorgasbord of frustrations, care packages and home cooked feasts, I see the true value of these actions and other intangible acts of love from friends. It’s more than the collection of plates overflowing with food on the table, or the endless boxes of fruit that they send you home with on our bi-weekly family dinners. The emotional security and blanket of warmth they armour you with, allows me to feel safe in the world to take risks and be myself. I’ve felt alone and sad in the world, I’ve felt isolated and disconnected from people, and been on the receiving end of unkindness and hostility. Unfortunately it is easier to judge and be unkind than to focus on similarities or shared experiences. Coming back home is a reminder of the true currency of relationships.
I’ll just end by saying I’m grateful to have the relationships I do in my life, and I will work harder to make time and take actions to show I care. I hope everyone has their own network of superstars to keep them bright.
Ro
