Wherever You Go, There You Are
Have you ever felt that once you achieve all your goals, all your limitations, imperfections and bad habits will just disappear? Life would be easier and things would simply fall into place, if only, we had that additional thing. Our ideal selves and the lives we envision would materialise and we would become that person. What if I told you, that unless you think, breath, act like that person now, the image in your mind will continue to be an aspiration. We can continue to dream about changing, but unless we make a conscious and consistent effort we will remain the same. When you wake up from your day dream, there you are.
Like it or not, our thoughts, feelings and experiences, our pre-dispositioned way of reacting to our environment and our automatic perceptions will continue to follow us, no matter where we go in life. On surface level, this may sound pessimistic and hopeless, but in actuality, this is your unique superpower and vantage point. Who you've been will be part of the building blocks to your ideal self. While you'll be the same, you'll evolve with your daily life experiences and opportunities to grow awareness and change your lens of the world. Our life experiences make us wholly unique and no-one can take this from you. Even through the growth and changes, there you are.
We fall into the trap of searching for happiness externally. We move cities or even countries, try to buy happiness with the latest trends. These may help us forget about our discomforts and sadnesses for a while, but eventually, they catch up with us again. Despite the distances travelled and money earned and spent, there you are.
If we can embrace what cards we've been dealt, and let go of any bitterness or shame around it, we can continue to grow our awareness and ability to change our behaviours and actions to end up in a different place internally. Even if our thoughts and bad habits continue to emerge and tempt us, their power over us can lessen with constant effort. You can be free of the internal impulses and thoughts that weigh so many of us down.
Who we are is constantly growing, evolving, shifting and changing. Embrace that and accept that even your ideal self will be built upon that person you may be trying to get away from. Embrace them.
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2023 updates.
It's been the longest January - I equally feel there has been so much going on, yet also like I've achieved so little. I continue to chip away at writing and reading. I need to improve and better my craft.
I am enjoying the flexibility of dictating my own hours and being able to have extended hours of focus and flow. A luxury I have never experienced in my life. At the same time, thinking about monetising writing to make a living gives me goosebumps and leaves a lump in my throat. This is a reality I'll need to face sooner than later as living costs continue to increase.
Completing the 30 days of writing and publishing and essay every day was empowering and in hindsight, really enjoyable. The process of conceptualising an essay and getting it down on the 'page' is somewhat magical to me. It's given me motivation to continue to post regularly and not be afraid to share my work, however I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel the resistance to writing again now that the 30 days are over. The resistance will never go away, but the desire to write has continued to grow and change my relationship to the work.
Overall, I'm largely optimistic and grateful for what I have. I'm continuing to learn improv, and seek out small work opportunities to tide me over while I continue to knuckle down on the novel.
Love and peace,
R
