Parenting in a Critical World
As a new parent, I expected the sleepless nights, mountains of laundry, and saying goodbye to spontaneous gym trips and leisurely walks. But I wasn’t prepared for the unsolicited commentary about my baby.
This past weekend we attending a family friends’ BBQ, where we met a lot of new faces. We were enjoying ourselves meeting new people and talking about normal non-baby related things. When our baby woke up and we brought him out to the group, I experienced some things that made me scratch my head. Now, I’m the first to lovingly tease my boy and I’ve always cooed over other babies I meet. I get it. Babies are soft, round, and bobble-head adorable. Our baby is barely two months and makes funny faces, has cute little leg rolls and thick black jet set hair. But when I’m faced with complete strangers saying this like: “Aww I would say something, but I won’t” or “Aww the asian Michelin Man” or “Wow, his eyes are so big”, should I laugh along or draw a line in the sand?
Truth be told, part of my discomfort stems from the racial element from these comments. I’m ethnically Korean, my husband Vietnamese, so we have a cute asian baby. It doesn’t matter that we are born and raised in Australia and culturally Australian. The people making these comments were not asian, and I couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable at the comments directed at my son’s appearance. From my point of view, this wasn’t coo-ing over a baby, it was commenting on his physical features, and fat-shaming a baby. They can’t defend themselves after all. And yes, comments about babies are often meant to be funny or endearing. But as I hold my tiny human, there’s a part of me that wonders: Is this a taste of what he’ll face as he grows older? Will he be reduced to someone else’s punchline because he looks different to them? Will he be made to feel self conscious because of his features or his weight?
It’s a strange cocktail of emotions—humour, defensiveness, and worry. Right now, he doesn’t understand. But one day, he will realise that not everyone speaks with the best of intentions. The challenges of growing up in a world where there is a beauty standard and prejudice based on your outward appearance.
The Weight of Words
It’s a heartbreaking thing to consider: the moment your child realises that not everyone they meet will see them as the treasure you know they are. Babies are born with open hearts, meeting the world with wide-eyed trust. They beam at strangers, and assume the best of everyone.
But the world isn’t always kind. Words can sting, even when spoken casually or without malice. As a parent now, I feel the weight of knowing I can’t shield my children from careless remarks and criticisms they’ll inevitably face. They’ll be expected to laugh along at stereotypes and passive aggressive statements or else be marked as someone who can’t take a joke. But why do they have to put up with that? Why do so many of us allow these cheap behaviours to perpetuate?
The Instinct to Protect
When someone first commented on my baby’s size and appearance, my initial reaction was a mix of awkward laughter and a smile that didn’t reach my eyes — but my mind began racing. Should I say something back? Was I overreacting? Would I sound too sensitive if I pointed out how unnecessary the comment was? Part of me knows that these moments if they occur in the future, painful as they are, are opportunities to teach my boy resilience and self-worth. But in the moment, it just feels like a gut punch to a parent.
What We Can Do
While I can’t control the words people choose to say, I can help shape how my child sees himself and the world around him. Here’s what I remind myself:
• Teach Them Their Worth: I’ll remind him every day that his value isn’t tied to his appearance, achievements, or anyone else’s opinions. He is worthy simply because he is.
• Model Confidence and Kindness: Instead of lashing out, I’ll show him how to respond with grace—even when others are careless. Kindness, I’ll teach him, isn’t weakness. It’s strength.
• Create a Safe Space: I’ll always be ready to listen when something or someone hurts him. I want him to know that his feelings are valid, no matter how small they might seem.
• Build Resilience: I’ll help him focus on the people and voices that lift him up, not those that tear him down. Because while the world can be unkind, it’s also full of love, support, and encouragement.
It’s not easy to let go of the impulse to become the mother lion who protects her cub at all costs. But I need to realise that my job isn’t to create a perfect, pain-free world for him. It’s to equip him to navigate an imperfect world with confidence, kindness, and strength.
