The Slippery Slope To Birth Trauma (and reframing it)
Going into child birth, was one of the most surreal experiences I’ve ever had. My labour started late on a Friday evening, and progressed over 50+ hours until I was finally able to give birth to my son, in the wee hours of Monday morning. Over this period, I was extremely sleep deprived, unable to eat and experienced the crescendo of pain that one experiences as her body prepares itself for labour.
Birth trauma is far more common than many of us realise. The birth of a child is often portrayed as a joyful and fulfilling experience, however in reality, for many women, it can also be (or become) traumatic. Birth trauma, particularly the psychological effects of the experience, can manifest through a range of emotions related to ones’ own experience of giving birth. These can arise from feelings of fear, helplessness, or even a sense of loss of control during the birth process.
My midwife would always say “The only thing predictable about birth, is that it is unpredictable”…
As much as we plan and fantasise about how the event will go, there are just too many variables, not to mention the lives of two people at the centre, that can shift our plans. I never expected the series of events that I encountered. This included medical complications, unexpected interventions, and prolonged labour. Even the experience of being in excruciating pain, and feeling vulnerable led me to feel extreme negative emotions soon after the birth, and I can resonate with how it can leave a lasting impact on a woman’s mental and emotional well-being.
After speaking with perinatal psychologists, other mothers, and midwives, those who understand the reality of birth trauma, I’ve heard it is not unusual to feel overwhelmed by flashbacks, nightmares, and difficult emotions surrounding individual experiences. Many women find themselves processing intense and sometimes confusing feelings long after the birth itself, especially with no outlet or person to help process the experience. As with so many other mental illnesses and trauma, this is not a sign of weakness, nor is it something to be ashamed of—birth trauma is a deeply personal and valid response to a physically and emotionally intense experience.
My Own Birth Experience
Reflecting on my own birth experience, I am struck by how vulnerable women are during childbirth, and how much power women have to muster through the process. Lasting an exhausting 50 hours, my labour was a seemingly endless stretch of anticipation, effort, and endurance. In the final hour, as my baby’s heart rate became elevated, I had to undergo an episiotomy—something I had heard about but never expected to encounter. A cut down under, to make more space for baby’s arrival. Ouch. In the moment, the decision was swift and made to ensure my child’s safety.
Moments like this, feel surreal as I’m processing the birth experience. The labour pushed me to my limits, both physically and emotionally. The sense of vulnerability in those hours was immense, yet there was also a quiet resilience (maybe confidence) that emerged—a strength I didn’t know I had but was forced to tap into. Experiencing bouts of birth trauma doesn’t diminish that strength; in many ways, it highlights it. And even though there were difficult moments in my labor, those moments are a part of my own journey to becoming a mother.
Processing and Healing
One of the most important steps in moving forward after a traumatic birth experience is allowing ourselves to process it. Talking openly about our experiences, whether with loved ones, a support group, or a therapist, can be incredibly healing. By discussing whatever thoughts, feelings, or fears arise, we begin to acknowledge the reality of what we went through. This acknowledgment doesn’t just help us move on; it also honours the journey, allowing us to integrate our experience rather than bury it.
Processing birth trauma is a powerful step toward healing, but it’s also an act of self-compassion. So many women feel pressure to move on quickly, focusing entirely on their new roles as mothers. I have to remind myself to show some self compassion, as I feel mothers physical healing and emotional adjustments are overlooked in the light of the new bundle of joy that becomes the star of the show.
Making the time to address our own emotions and experiences can be a transformative act and the first step to healing. It can make us stronger, more present, and more resilient as we step into the newfound role as mothers, who are able to share their true experiences with future new moms, who may feel blindsided by their own first birth experience.
Reframing Birth as Part of Your Motherhood Journey
If you’ve had a traumatic birth experience, you are not alone. Birth is such a personal and unique experience, and each mother’s story deserves to be heard and respected. I only wish I had had the opportunity to hear more stories to normalise my own experience at the time. Birth trauma doesn’t have to overshadow the joy of welcoming a new little life into the world, nor does it need to define your journey as a mother. It’s possible to reframe it—not as a story of hardship, but as one of transformation. For many, childbirth marks the beginning of an incredible shift in our lives. By working through the difficult memories, we can reclaim our birth experiences and see them as an integral part of this new chapter, marked by resilience and strength.
I am reminding myself that birth doesn’t need to be remembered in a solemn or painful way. With support, reflection, and processing, it can become a moment of empowerment, a powerful initiation into motherhood. Let’s allow ourselves to process, heal, and, when we’re ready, find pride in the strength we showed along the way.
