Social Anxiety As An Adult
As kids, many of us experienced a kind of carefree courage. A fearlessness perhaps attributed to youthful ignorance. There was a sense of invincibility that came with being young, a lack of caring about what others thought about us. We stumbled through life more curious than worried, spoke without overthinking, and walked into rooms without obsessively calculating where we’d sit or who would notice us. We didn’t get affected by looks from strangers, and were more concerned about our immediate circle of friends. Sure, there were insecurities, but there was also a freedom—a freedom to just be, without the weight of over-analysis or the debilitating effects of self-doubt.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve felt a subtle but significant shift in how I move through the world. From being a confident and driven young women, to feeling at times overly sensitive and negatively affected by the world around me. The outside world can suddenly feel more imminent and we feel less in control, as we move further from our foundations.
As we age, alongside our personal growth and self-awareness, a different kind of awareness begins to persist: an awareness of how we’re perceived, of how we measure up, of whether or not we "fit in." I think for some, myself included, this blossoming self-consciousness can transform into social anxiety. It manifests in a pervasive fear of judgment, of making mistakes, of simply not being "enough". We may begin to avoid situations and people. And unlike the shyness or uncertainty of youth, social anxiety, and the baggage that comes with it, feels harder to shake. Our actions and behaviours may begin to accommodate certain self limiting beliefs, avoiding crowded spaces and limiting the opportunities to have wide ranging experiences we never second guessed. Before long, it’s not just a passing phase; it can become a shadow in our minds that follows us into our relationships, our careers, our social lives—making daunting encounters out of ordinary moments.
The Shift to Adult Awareness
As adults, we develop a deeper and more nuanced understanding of the world, through personal challenges and experiences we gather more wisdom and become more cautious. We may shown up at a party, struck up a conversation with a stranger, but we now pause, think, and often overthink. We analyse, we anticipate, we compare ourselves to others in ways we never did before.
When we were young, we often didn’t care much about making a fool of ourselves, or we didn’t know any better. We could brush off a stumble or a rude stranger. But now, as adults, each social interaction can feel like a test—a test of our worth, our likability, our competence. These interactions don’t just feel like passing moments; they feel like challenges that test our self worth. Our negative self talk stems, not from a lack of confidence, but from an over-awareness of ourselves and our perceived flaws.
This cycle of anticipation, overthinking, and avoidance can feel isolating... I see others who seem to navigate social situations with effortless ease, and wonder why it feels so hard and effort-full. Why can’t I just be "normal"? Why can’t I just relax? But social anxiety isn’t a choice. It’s not something that we can just switch off. It’s a deeply ingrained response, a mixture of past experiences, personality traits, and internalised fears that have taken root over, sometimes, a long time.
Tools to Overcome Social Anxiety
As someone who’s thought a lot about how my burgeoning adult social anxiety can be mitigated, here are the main points that help me to function. I’ll never be as carefree and fearless as I was when I was 20, but I know that making sure I keep putting myself in the path of new experiences helps me to overcome and become less impacted by the effects. These may also help you to remain adaptable and open to connections.
Challenge Negative Thoughts: When I catch myself thinking, "I looked so awkward," or “That person mustn’t like me,” I try asking, "Is that true? Or is that just my anxiety talking?" Challenging these thoughts takes practice, but over time, they have helped break the cycle of self-criticism.
Take Small Steps: It’s not about going zero to one hundred all at once. When I’m overwhelmed or notice I feel like withdrawing, I aim to start small—accept one invitation, make one phone call, or initiate one conversation. Any small step is a victory.
Celebrate Wins: Even if it’s as simple as showing up at an event, acknowledge it as an accomplishment. Be present and enjoy it. Overcoming social anxiety is about progress, not perfection.
Practice Mindfulness: Social anxiety often takes us out of the present moment, pulling us into a cycle of "what ifs" and "what did they think?" Mindfulness can help ground us in the present, allowing us to experience each moment as it is.
Seek Support: While anxiety can be isolating, no-one has to go through it or manage it alone. Talking to a partner, friend, therapist or joining a support group can help create understanding that makes navigating it easier.
Developing social anxiety as an adult has been an unexpected obstacle. I didn’t even know what I was experiencing until I took the time to process the overwhelming thoughts and feelings that I faced when faced with situations which once didn’t phase me. It takes patience and compassion to understand and realise that everyone has their own insecurities and their own battles with self-doubt. You’re not the only one thinking it. The world may seem like it’s full of confident, self-assured people, but underneath it all, we’re all just trying to find our way, to feel understood, to connect.
Sometimes, in a world that feels overwhelming, simply showing up is an act of courage. And in that courage, there’s a quiet strength, a resilience that deserves to be celebrated. You are more than the thoughts and critical voice that often rings too loud.
