Reflections on November: Motherhood, Relationships, and Wellbeing
With the final day of November already in motion, I think it’s time to pause and reflect on what’s on my mind lately. Since October, there’s been so much change and adjusting, some days really feel like a juggling act. Right now, the three areas that are demanding most of my attention are motherhood, relationships, and wellbeing.
Motherhood: A Constant Push and Pull
Motherhood has completely taken over my world and challenged my identity. As expected it’s an all-consuming, exhausting, and rewarding role tending to the needs of a little human. While there’s a rhythm to each day, there’s no routine — just when I think I’ve figured something out, everything shifts again.
It’s hard. I don’t know if people say that enough. It’s not just the sleep deprivation, which can make a simple event seem so much worse. It’s the mental load—constantly thinking ahead, worrying if you’re doing the right thing, questioning if you’re a good mom, or if you’re capable to be a good mom. Some days, I feel like I’m just going through the motions, and I hate that feeling. I love my baby, but it’s easy to lose yourself in the routine.
What’s helping me is realising that I don’t need to listen to constant critiquing externally from family and friends, but internally too. My baby doesn’t need a perfect mom, whatever the heck that is —he needs me. That’s something I have to remind myself of every day.
Relationships: A Struggle to Maintain
It’s hard to maintain relationships, when the core of your days and who you are has changed. I didn’t anticipate how my relationships would change with the constant pressures we face in parenthood. I sense a weird dynamic with people who now see me as a mother of a baby, instead of a woman with her own identities and preferences for how to spend her day. There are times when, despite being surrounded by well intentioned people, I still feel isolated and devoid of true connections. Uninterrupted conversations and spontaneous outtings are a thing of the past and most of my days are spent in my home, often alone at night feeding the kid.
Friendships are complicated. Some check in to ask how I’m doing, which feels like a lifeline to the outside world. Others seem to drift away, with everyone’s life going in different directions. It’s noones fault, but at this crucial time of transition, I can’t help but think I’d appreciated some more action- oriented friendships which provided more than the lip service. Of course, it takes two and I am putting unfair expectations on others.
I’m so grateful for my partner at this time. We’re a team now in a way we’ve never been before, but it’s not easy. We’re both exhausted, and we don’t have the energy to invest in ourselves. Some nights, we barely have the energy to talk about anything beyond logistics, but I know that’s what’s required to get through this time.
But what I’ve learned is that effort is everything. Relationships don’t maintain themselves, and they definitely don’t thrive on autopilot. Even something as simple as a five-minute conversation or a hug at the end of a long day can make a difference. I’m trying to be more intentional about staying connected, even when it feels like there’s no time or energy left.
Wellbeing: The Non-Negotiable
If there’s one thing I’ve realised in the last year, it’s that my wellbeing isn’t optional — and that includes mental and physical wellbeing. There were times in the past I tried to power through, putting everyone else’s needs above my own, but that approach didn’t work. It left me burnt out, irritable, and unable to give my best to anyone, and that’s not what my baby and those in my life need.
Time for exercise, hobbies, or even just sitting quietly are harder to come by now, so I’ve had to redefine self care in this new reality. Some days, “self-care” is as simple as drinking a cup of tea while it’s still hot or taking a quick shower. Other days, it’s letting myself rest instead of rushing to complete a pending household task.
The hardest part is shaking off the guilt. There’s always something that needs to be done, and it’s easy to feel like taking time for myself is selfish. But I need to learn that it’s not. If I don’t prioritise my wellbeing, everything else will fall apart. Taking care of myself is how I show up as the kind of mom and partner I want to be, and I’m still working on making peace with that.
Looking Ahead
As November turns into December, I’m capturing what’s on my mind and heart one month into this journey. Motherhood, relationships, and wellbeing are all in flux, constantly evolving as I try to navigate this new phase of life. What I do know is that it’s okay to feel like I’m struggling. It’s okay to admit that this is hard.
I’m trying to remind myself that life isn’t always about balance—it’s about doing my best with what I have in the moment.
