Life Lately: Going with the Motions, Finding Gratitude
Lately, I feel like I’m juggling so many competing priorities and putting undue pressure on myself to do more. Since having a baby, time has become this elusive thing—never mine, always borrowed. My days revolve around someone else’s needs and schedule. The endless feeds, diaper changes, and moments of consoling a tiny human who can’t yet tell me what’s wrong—it’s unpredictable and exhausting.
This season of life has been a lesson in surrender. Before, time was mine to divide, to plan, to waste. Now, my time is no longer just my own, and it’s been an adjustment. I used to measure my days by how much I accomplished, how many tasks I ticked off the list, how much I commuted. These days, my “accomplishments” look like managing to eat breakfast while its warm or wiping a diaper full of poo.
It’s weird to put aside a part of your whole personality and live like someone else.
It’s weird—disorienting, even—to put aside a part of your whole personality and become someone else. Parenthood or any major life updates can challenge your identity in ways you don’t anticipate.
There are parts of myself I haven’t seen in a while—the version of me that was career-driven, social, spontaneous. I miss her sometimes. But then I remind myself: she’s not gone; she’s evolving. This is just another version of me, one that’s learning to find fulfillment in new ways. And maybe that’s the hardest part—figuring out how to integrate who I was with who I’m becoming.
It’s easy to get caught up in the narrative of what’s lost: free time, autonomy, spontaneity. But there’s also something deeply grounding about stepping into this new role, about the lessons it brings. I’m learning patience in a way I never had to before. I’m learning to let go of perfectionism because, frankly, survival mode doesn’t have room for it. I’m learning that even when time feels borrowed, the love I’m building with this tiny person is irreplaceable.
So yes, life feels different—harder, more exhausting, and at times, like I’m not sure where I end and where this new version of me begins. But it’s also fuller. And maybe, this season of surrender is teaching me how to value life’s simplest, purest moments in a way I never did before.
