Day 28: The Domino Effect: Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Emotions
If you want to change your emotions, you must change your thoughts.
That is the super distilled findings of Aaron Beck, an American Psychotherapist and Researcher, best known for his work in developing cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT).
We spend hours (and usually a tonne of money) trying to sooth intense emotions, all the while failing to realise the root causes of these emotions. By the time we have bought all the distractions and watched all the shows, the emotion may have numbed but it isn’t relevant anymore—because now, in order to hide from our next emotion, we're onto the next external fix and bandaid solution.
Why do we do this...? Because emotions can be super uncomfortable. They can make us squirm and rage and laugh and cry. So many of us would rather buy a tub of ice cream than really consider the root of our sadness. Some of us would rather kick ourselves while we are down, allowing our thought loops to encompass us and make us feel unworthy or like imposters in our own lives.
Our inner thoughts and emotions play a huge role in shaping our experiences and our lives. Negative thoughts and emotions can hold us back and prevent us from living the life we truly want. With that logic, positive thoughts that create positive emotions can empower us be more creative, resilient and ready to work towards our goals.
Here's the thing, every emotion has the cloud of thoughts contributing to it.
We'd all save a tonne of money and be more in control, if we were to take charge of our thoughts and regulate our emotions.
Monitoring our thoughts and regulating our emotions is not easy, and it takes work to shift from negative to positive patterns. But ask yourself, how much better would life be, if you could drop some of the negative emotions you allow yourself to experience. You have the power to do this, by becoming aware of and changing the thought in your head. Why carry that extra anxiety from the ridiculous expectations that you unrealistically put upon yourself? Life is hard enough as it is, without you beating yourself up!
Try some of these techniques that help us to aware of our thought patterns, and change them. As a bi-product our emotions should change too.
Identify your patterns: The first step in changing your thoughts and emotions is to become aware of them! This is an on-going and I'm sure, life-long process (and always a challenge for me especially when stressed). By paying attention and acknowledging your internal dialogue, you can observe how emotions follow the thought that comes up. This can help you to identify the triggering thoughts, and challenge them or let them go.
By paying attention, you can objectively consider if the thought loops are serving you, or hurting you. Without this awareness, we're letting emotions run our lives.
Challenge negative thoughts: Once you have identified negative thoughts, it's important to challenge them. This is the work, and your demonstration to a commitment in taking charge of your self and your happiness. Ask yourself if the thoughts are accurate, and look for evidence that supports or refutes them. We are naturally biased and consider things our fault.
Challenging our thoughts can help each of us to develop a more balanced and realistic view of the world.
Practice gratitude: Start a gratitude journal or make a regular practice of focusing on things you are grateful and thankful for. Focusing on this can help to shift your thoughts from negative and unproductive ones to something more goal oriented or productive. It's all about increasing the proportion of positive thoughts and reducing the negative ones that lead to negative emotions.
Try to find something to be thankful for each day, no matter how small.
Connect with others: We all know this, and however introverted we are, we are social beings. Strong social connections have been shown to have a positive impact on mental health. Spending time with friends and loved ones, or volunteer to a cause you believe in. This can help to reduce stress and anxiety by changing your thoughts to improve your mood.
Engage in physical activity: Move, move, move! Exercise has been shown to have a positive impact on mental health, and can help to shift your focus from negative thoughts and emotions to positive ones.
The function of exercise for me, is it allows for mind and body alignment with breath that brings me to the present moment. Through this process a lot of thoughts will dissipate and I will have the clarity of mind to challenge or reframe my thoughts.
Use mindfulness techniques: Mindfulness is a muscle you can train and requires practice. No-one is "born with it" or "made for it". It involves focusing your attention on the present moment, and can help us to shift our focus away from negative thoughts and emotions. From meditation, deep breathing, or simply paying attention to your senses, it all counts and trains us to become aware of our thoughts and emotions.
Seek professional help:
I've worked with different psychologists at different stages of my life. I am so curious about the mind and behavioural change, I even went out to get a diploma in Psychology while working full-time.
What it highlighted to me was, it is worth the time and money investment. If your thoughts and emotions are significantly impacting your daily life, professional help can be priceless. A therapist or counsellor provides clients with support and guidance as you work to change your patterns in a collaborative way.
If you often feel overwhelmed by your emotions, know that you are not alone - and know the situation is not helpless. Becoming aware of and changing our thoughts takes time and effort, but with the right tools and techniques, it can be a rewarding and transformative experience. It's all about starting small and understanding our thoughts to manage our emotions.
With persistence and dedication, we can change our relationship with ourselves and allow us to be in charge of our emotions.
