A Crash Course in Baby Etiquette

As a brand-new mom, I’ve learned a lot about babies—and a lot about people. While I don’t expect everyone to empathise with the sleeplessness and unexpected events that bringing home a baby brings, I think it’s important to realise that some accommodations are required.

Personally, I thought that some of these points were fairly common sense, but in my experience in the recent weeks, evidently not. Life with a newborn is beautiful, but it is without a doubt exhausting, and can be a little chaotic. So, when it comes to visitors, there are a few unspoken (now spoken) rules I’d like to share. These are things I wish some people in my life were more considerate of. So consider this your cheat sheet for making new parents feel supported instead of stressed.

1. Don’t Schedule Us Around Your Workday

I get it—you’re busy. But here’s the thing: so are we. Babies don’t care about your 8:30am log on time or 9-to-5. They nap when they want, eat when they want, and sometimes scream their heads off just ‘cos. Even if the routines are well oiled, newborn sleep-feed-play cycles run every 2-3 hours. If you’re squeezing in a visit between meetings or trying to “have coffee” at 7:30a.m. (Are you kidding me?) or “drop by” at 10pm (Just, no), maybe rethink that. During this time, trying asking us what time could work for us and baby. Don’t try to work off your own individual schedule.

2. Don’t Overstay Your Welcome

Yes, we love you. Yes, we’re excited to see you. But no, we don’t want you here all day (note: 3 hour baby sleep cycles!). Visits should be short and sweet (Please and thank you). You know that saying, “Leave them wanting more”? It applies here.

3. If You’re Sick, Stay Home

This one’s non-negotiable. A newborn’s immune system is as fragile as my patience at 3 a.m. Don’t “power through” your sniffles because you’re so excited to meet the baby. That excitement can wait.

4. Don’t Ring the Doorbell

We’ve finally—finally—gotten the baby down for a nap, and then you ding-dong like we’re in a sitcom. No. Text us when you arrive. Better yet, creep up silently like a ninja.

5. Bring Food (or Coffee!)

This is of course not required but I thought I’d put it in here to bring top of mind. Want to be our favorite visitor? Show up with a hot meal or caffeine. Bonus points if you ask beforehand what we’d like. As new parents we are often too tired to cook, and a cup of coffee is a wonderful treat.

6. Don’t Expect Us to Entertain You

You’re here to see the baby, not judge the state of our living room or expect a fruit platter and tea. If there’s laundry on the couch or dishes in the sink, look away, or help us feel better about it (“this is nothing compared to my place”). Better yet, offer to help.

7. Wash Your Hands

This should go without saying, but here we are. Have we forgotten the importance of handwashing post Covid?! Wash your hands before you hold the baby, and don’t roll your eyes when I ask. It’s basic hygiene, not a personal attack.

8. Don’t Make It About You

“My baby used to sleep 6 hour blocks at night!” “When I had my kids…” “I think you’re holding the baby wrong.” Please don’t. This isn’t your moment to shine. Keep the commentary to yourself unless it’s something like, “You’re doing amazing, mumma.”

9. Respect the Baby’s Sleep Schedule

Babies sleep a lot. Like, 14+ hours a day. If I say the baby is sleeping and suggest another time to visit, don’t act like I’ve just canceled Christmas. A well-rested and settled baby = a well-rested and settled mom (well, sort of).

10. Leave the Advice at Home

Unless I specifically ask, I don’t need to know what worked for you, your sister, or your neighbour’s cousin. Every baby is different, and we’re figuring out what works for us and our unique baby.

11. Come With Realistic Expectations

The baby might cry the entire time you’re here. Or spit up on you. Or decide you’re not their vibe. Be prepared for chaos, because that’s just life with a newborn.

Visiting new parents is all about being thoughtful, flexible, and please, please, please low-maintenance. If you follow these simple rules, you’ll be welcomed with open arms (and maybe even a can of San Pellegrini from our dwindling supply). Ignore them, and, well… let’s just say you might not get an invite back anytime soon.

Love,

A Newborn Mom And Advocate